39 things I've learned in 39 years

Older and (hopefully) wiser.

Hello. I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday. I had a great birthday weekend filled with many small celebrations like a nice dinner date with my boyfriend on Friday, a massive Turkish breakfast at home on Saturday and Sunday, my boyfriend made profiteroles from scratch on Saturday — we enjoyed them Saturday night and again on Sunday with one of my good friends. We played padel with friends on Sunday followed by a surprise cake after the game. It was a perfect weekend! And I feel spoiled and lucky.

I always reflect this time of year on how things are going in my life and what I’d like to do in the coming year(s). This year, during one of my morning pages sessions leading up to my birthday, I jotted down 39 things I’ve learned in 39 years. I’m curious about what you find relatable and what you’d add.

Image created by me using Leonardo AI (my boyfriend’s profiteroles were better).

1. What other people think or do doesn’t matter, do what makes you happy. 

2. The things you worry about are never the things that actually happen. Don’t worry so much! 

3. Exercise is good for your mental health, the physical benefits are a bonus. 

4. Work and climbing the career ladder are less important than you think. 

5. Living an unconventional lifestyle might come with some challenges (mainly from people who can’t comprehend it), but staying true to yourself is more important. 

6. Caring for an aging parent (especially one with Alzheimer’s) is hard as fuck. Probably the hardest thing you’ll ever deal with.  

7. Always put yourself first — take care of you. 

8. Getting divorced feels like the death of an idea, but it can also be the best thing that has ever happened to you. 

9. Nothing (good or bad) lasts forever.

10. Living in another country benefits your mind, body, and soul.  

11. Spending Saturday on the sofa is amazing and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Do it more often.

12. You’re more resilient than you think. 

13. Disconnecting from people who make you feel like shit is ok (and necessary). 

14. Good things take time. 

15. Slow down and pay attention. 

16. People pleasing will just make you feel like shit. Stop doing it. 

17. Taking time and space alone is OK. 

18. Getting older is a blessing. 

19. Exploring creative outlets and sharing them with the world brings you joy — it’s more about the process than the results. 

20. You can do whatever you want if you set your mind to it (like your recent desire to write a book) — go for it. 

21. People will disappoint you. Get used to it. 

22. Your parents did their best. 

23. Corporate 9 to 5 life is not for you and you had a lot of courage to leave it behind. 

24. Having a plan is good, but life usually takes over, so get used to it. 

25. Solo travel is amazing and lonely in the best way possible. 

26. More is not always better. 

27. Being vulnerable has more benefits than you thought. 

28. Letting go is hard, but always being in control is exhausting. 

29. Some friendships don’t make sense anymore, and that’s OK. 

30. Romantic relationships (long-term) are hard as fuck. 

31. Deal with obstacles by always moving forward. 

32. You don’t have to get married and have kids just because everyone else does.

33. Stay curious and always be learning.

34. Pushing through the novelty of new things and sticking to them is your weakness.   

35. Slow and steady (usually) wins the race. 

36. Houseplants can change a space and you know how to keep them alive. 

37. Seeking out therapy when you feel you need it is a positive thing. 

38. Regretting things you’ve done is better than wondering “what if”. 

39. Do what makes you happy and fuck the rest. 

What can you relate to? What would you add?

Until next time,

Alexis

A quick photo diary of the weekend (more like all the food I ate). Food from Arca coffee from WesterPerk.

👀 More to read

• On my Artist’s Way week one and week two

• Am I qualified to give advice?

• An open letter to Alzheimer’s: thanks for stealing my mom, now fuck off and die