Hello (all 10 of you!),
I’m blown away by the support from this community. Thanks for being here.
I’m trying something new here. I’m a freelance content writer by day (mostly SEO stuff), which I enjoy, but it can get dry and boring at times. So I’m using this space to unleash my creativity and write freely. I don’t even know if I know how to be a creative writer, let alone, sustain a humor column (I think that’s what this is?). I’m sure I’ll change my mind multiple times.
Anyway, to kick this off, I asked ChatGPT to, “Give me a prompt for creative writing about something humorous.” This is what it spit out:
One morning, you wake up to find that your pet cat, Whiskers, has somehow gained the ability to talk. Not only can Whiskers talk, but he has also developed a rather sophisticated and sarcastic sense of humor. As you navigate your daily routine, Whiskers provides a running commentary on everything from your choice of breakfast to your work-from-home setup.
Write about a day in your life with your newly chatty and hilariously opinionated cat. How do you react to Whiskers' constant quips and observations? How does he interact with other people or pets in your life? And most importantly, what happens when Whiskers decides he has some brilliant ideas on how you should improve your life?
Here goes it…
It’s Friday morning. I roll out of bed, check my Substack (of course!), and proceed to the bathroom. When I’m done, I open the door to find Whiskers standing in the narrow hallway of my tiny Amsterdam apartment, looking up at me like I’ve done something wrong. And then he starts speaking. WTF?! Is this a dream?
“Good morning, Alexis,” he says.
“Erm. Good morning, Whiskers,” I reply. “When did you learn how to speak?”
“I’m not sure,” he replies. “I woke up like this, but it’s f*cking awesome.”
“Um, OK,” I say, still wondering if this is a dream.
I walk all two steps from the bathroom door to my narrow, galley-style kitchen to make a cappuccino. As I reach for my hand coffee grinder, Whiskers looks up at me again and says, “Shouldn’t you eat before you have coffee? It’s not good for your stomach.”
“Are you my cat or my father?” I reply.
“I’m just saying because sensitive stomachs do run in your family,” says Whiskers.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, slightly annoyed now.
After I make my cappuccino, I walk a few more steps to the corner of my living room where I can sit in a wicker garden chair (yes, my decor choices are a bit odd) and gaze out the window at a leafy green tree. It’s where I usually sip my morning cappuccino and read a few pages of whatever book I’m currently reading. Today, it’s Funny Story by Emily Henry.
Whiskers scurries behind me and jumps up onto the velvety dark green armchair across from me (you know, the one from Ikea that comes in dozens of colors).
“Why are you reading that cheesy romance novel?” he says. “Shouldn’t you read something you can actually learn from?”
“Because I want to,” I snap back. “It’s relaxing and I started it while I was on holiday in Portugal, so I want to finish it. Back off.”
Whiskers leaves me alone for about 15 minutes before I get up to make my second cappuccino.
“Another one?” Whiskers says.
“Yes! I will have as many cappuccinos as I want, thank you very much,” I snap back.
“Aren’t you going to take a shower and get ready for work?” replies Whiskers.
“Yes, eventually,” I say.
“OK, make sure you feed me before you lock yourself in your office for a day of writing, or whatever it is that you do in there,” says Whiskers.
“Sure, Whiskers, don’t worry. I’ll feed you,” I reply. But I was thinking, I’ll feed you poison, so you shut the f*ck up.
I finish my second cappuccino, feed Whiskers, and make my way to my office, closing the sliding door behind me, hoping now that Whiskers can talk, he can also read the sign on the door that says, “Focus time, do not disturb.”
Nope, he can’t. Shortly after, I hear him scratching on the door. I slide it open to find Whiskers sprawled on the floor, tapping his tail as he speaks.
“Aren’t you going to take a shower before you start working?” says Whiskers.
“No, I’m not. I like my PJs,” I reply.
“OK, well at least brush your teeth,” Whiskers adds. “Also, why don’t you have a monitor on your desk? Isn’t that laptop screen too small to stare at all day?”
I ignore him and continue typing away on my keyboard. Four hours pass before I come out of my office again to find Whiskers sitting on the sofa looking at me in disgust.
“You know, you really should take breaks instead of working four hours straight. Go for a walk, eat a proper lunch, listen to some music, meditate, or stare out the window. Whatever you want, just take a break. You work too much!” Whiskers complains.
“Sorry, Whiskers, but I have bills to pay. I’m not a cat like you who can lounge around on the sofa all day licking myself,” I reply.
“Ouch. That hurt,” says Whiskers.
I tell him I’m sorry (I guess I apologize to cats now) and then pick up my iPhone to check my notifications and messages.
“Can you ever just do nothing?” says Whiskers from his comfy spot on the sofa.
“Yes!” I shout. But then I think to myself… Can I? When am I ever doing nothing?
Never.
“You’re right, Whiskers, I should do less, but I just don’t know how to,” I say. “In theory, I know, but putting it into action is another story.”
“I can help!” replies Whiskers. “Start with these simple tips to see what works for you and then iterate as you learn.” (Because that’s exactly how a cat would talk.)
Whiskers’ tips for improving my life:
Work less.
Travel more.
Read more.
Hang out with friends and family more.
Deactivate all your social media accounts.
Play more padel.
Stop comparing yourself and your work to others.
Be nicer to your boyfriend.
Say yes to more (of the fun stuff).
Know that you’re doing enough and you are enough.
Do more yoga.
Don’t focus too much on how you can improve your life; just live it!
The end.
Reflections
Writing this was fun, entertaining, and more interesting than I thought it would be. It made me smile, and I found myself adapting Whiskers’ commentary based on what I think different people in my life would suggest to improve my life, including what I’d tell myself. I think the 12 tips I listed at the end are 100% my thoughts, which makes sense, I suppose, since I am the one who wrote this. The other two people giving me advice were my father and my boyfriend. Writing this also made me realize that, while I loved having cats when I was a kid, I’m not equipped to have a cat at this point in my life. Poison? That was a surprising thought.
Also… look at this trippy AI-generated image created by Leonardo AI via Wowzer. I was trying to illustrate a cat wearing glasses looking up at a woman in her pajamas, in a narrow hallway. Looks like I need to work on my prompt writing, but it could also be interpreted as a transformation or maybe the subconscious mind…💡
What did you think?
Did this piece make you think about how you can improve your life? Did it make you want a cat? Did it make you laugh? Did it suck? Do you want me to share these creative writing prompts with you so you can join in on the fun? I’m open to alllllll the feedback (seriously!). If there’s something of yours that you want me to take a look at, feel free to leave a link in the comments.
I don’t think this piece is anything amazing (and probably has some grammatical errors), but I enjoyed the process of writing it, which is exactly what I’m here for. So from my point of view, it’s a success!
This was hilarious. I feel like my dog always has an opinion of how many coffees I’ve had as well, she just hasn’t told me yet. My fiancée and I are taking our new puppy, Daisy to see an animal psychic in a few weeks. I can’t imagine the judgements that are going to come out of her mouth 😝. Maybe I’ll write about it.
From my point of view, it’s a success as well plus it’s funny, made me laugh.